Aesthetic Octopus » Jay Leno

Traditionally Unenjoyable Activities I Would Rather Do Instead Of Watching The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

Doctorate Upholder — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:53:46 +0000

The list could really go on forever.

1. Read Heart of Darkness Backwards

If you thought reading it forwards took forever…

2. Mow The Lawn

Although mowing the lawn didn’t seem this cute last time I checked.

3. Do My Taxes

She doesn’t seem asleep.

4. Make Copies

Extra points for having to power the machine with a crank.

5. Paint A Fence

He looks like he’s having fun!

6. Shepherd Sheep

This may be a bad example. This actually looks really awesome…

7. Download Files On Internet Explorer

Maybe by the time they’ve finished downloading, Jay Leno will have lost his job!

Will Your New Television Show Be Picked Up By NBC?

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:47:22 +0000

I wonder if you can guess what wonderful new television programs and what wonderful regurgitated television program were my inspiration for making this.

Links of the Third Daily Trimester 1/20/10

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:51:30 +0000

Picture Above: Who else could do a better job with the Late Night Show than Jay Leno? I would cast a vote of my own, but “cocoa” already won.

Watch: We have a new greatest music video. Not better than Bangs or Travolta but still pretty the best.

Will music festivals still be “authentic” in 2k10? Hipster Runoff elaborates.

PETA gives James Cameron an award. I wouldn’t want that. James Cameron should definitely pass on this one.

Links of the Second Daily Trimester 1/13/10

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:29:04 +0000

Picture Above: Polaroid announces new “instant film” model based on classic OneStep. I would assume that Lady Gaga has not been there long enough to have had a hand in this. But perhaps she’s just that good!

Watch: Leno Victims Unit. Letterman suggests a new Law & Order spin-off that NBC should pursue.

Jimmy Kimmel did his whole show as Jay Leno last night. Exactly what I want to see! Also is he still dating Sarah Silverman? That’s unrelated but I’m just really curious…

Everybody told Conan to not write that letter. At least it was epic? He will always have that? Everything’s going to end up ok, right? The Jay Leno boogie man won’t live under my bed for much longer?

The Trailer to Jay Leno’s Movie Is the Best Thing Ever

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:09:24 +0000

That was fantastic! I am surprised it didn’t top more best of the decade lists at the end of 1k999. Jay Leno as a “buddy-buddy” cop is the perfect role for him. Perhaps he should give up late night and go backz to the silverscreenz!

Here are some great quotes from that trailer that I am sure took a whole lot of time/effort/artistic-brilliance to write.

“Two men as different as hot dogs and sushi.” – True! They are quite different!

“Stop that garment bag!” – This will be the quote that we remember Jay Leno by when he dies. I am surprised more people don’t say this when they hang out with other humans.

“With my luck i get the only guy from Japan who doesn’t know karate.” – Nice, relatable observation! Audiences luvz to see down-on-their-luck heroes. Such as Leo Caprio in Titanic being stuck on that boat or Jay Leno being forced to work with the ONLY ASIAN who doesn’t know karate.

Links of the Second & Third Trimesters 1/12/10

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:19:32 +0000

Picture Above: Add Conan O’Brien’s hair to a picture of yourself to show your support! Also, Conan’s amazing letter explaining why he is refusing NBC’s deal. Also also, Fun Ways For Conan To Screw Over NBC. Also also also, Conan’s monologue where he completely trashes NBC, but still remains funny and lovable of course!

Buy: Apple bed. iBeds are so hot right now.

Fear hoodies! You best be safe/prepared/on-your-guardz on the streets.

M.I.A. may or may not have released a new song/video. The song is fairly good (besides poor sound quality) whether it’s her or not. But as I said earlier, my judgment is horrible.

Joanna Newsom releases awesome cartoon and hints at new album release date. No comment on this one except for !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Links of the Third Daily Trimester 1/9/10

Doctorate Upholder — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:23:06 +0000

Picture Above: The best weatherman in the world was fired, so he made possibly the greatest montage in the history of weatherman related montages. I had no idea who this man was before the video, but now I am really sad that he is leaving us.

Watch: Michael Cera dance fights Conan O’Brien. Despite the serious backlash, I still believe that Michael Cera is the best. And speaking of Conan O’Brien…

Conan O’Brien may be moving to Fox. Lame. Dear NBC, you are the worst (not true for many other reasons, such as Thursday night amazingness, but regarding this, you the worst).

The Situation’s abs look like an excited, cartoon puppy. No more Jersey Shore references for awhile, I promise.

Dolphins are people too? So say the scientists with their science talk and magic wands and what not.

Conan Best Not Be Fired

Doctorate Upholder — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 07:33:26 +0000

Jay Leno is the worst. The worst. The worst. The worst.

Here is my official letter to NBC, which I plan to send in the mail very officially.

Dear NBC,

Fire Jay Leno, please.

Thanks,

Doctorate Upholder

Article Craving: Did You Know These Stars Dated?

Doctorate Upholder — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:37:53 +0000

The above image is of Ashton Kutcher with Mad Men’s January Jones, who has GQ has recently proven, is quite attractive. The two apparently dated before she was an actress. Crazy!

The weirdest one is probably Justin Timberlake dating Fergie when he was 16 and she was 23. Weird! Because of the age difference and what not!

Anyways, here’s the rest of the actual list with pictures, but I think it would be fun to create some even more ridiculous celebrity couples of our own…

Michael Cera & The Woman Who Played Phoebe on Friends. CRAZY!

That Youngish Girl From Parks And Recreation & Jake Gyllenhaal. WEIRD!

Jay Leno & Kate Gosselin. They deserve each other!

Halle Berry & Senator Roland Burris. IMPLAUSIBLE!

Leave your own in the comments two readers. Or don’t!

Quote Craving: Jack Donaghy

theeurocentric — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:21:52 +0000

“Step into the light, Lemon. There’s nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jay Leno.”

– Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock, sarcastically introducing The Jay Leno Show.