Aesthetic Octopus » humor

Hipster Dinosaurs

theeurocentric — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 23:41:50 +0000

See the rest (including Tommy Wiseausaurus) here.

So can we stop making fun of hipsters now? Please?

No Rice Dicks

theeurocentric — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 15:52:15 +0000

The line has to be drawn somewhere guys.

Oregon Trail Error Message on Digg

theeurocentric — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:17:47 +0000

Well it looks like the Oregon Trail is making a much-needed pop culture comeback!

Woman Quits Job In Best Way Possible

theeurocentric — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:14:20 +0000

Using a whiteboard and posting pictures of it on the internets of course!

So good job! (Even if this might be fake)

’01 Ford Taurus Changes Lives, Makes Badasses

theeurocentric — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 15:22:43 +0000

Oh, Craigslist. The Gift That Keeps on Giving.

You can blast Tegan and Sara for fucking DAYZZZZZZ bitches!

Wendy’s Review of the Century

theeurocentric — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:50:27 +0000

It says the author is Chris, but I believe it was probably RAAAAAAAANDY.

[via]

Serenity Now!

theeurocentric — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 01:53:20 +0000

Seinfeld: The Thriller

Well-played, Newton. Well-played.

The Best of #p4kfestpickuplines

theeurocentric — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 20:41:30 +0000

Head over to Paste for the rest.

Also, follow us on Twitter!

Presidential Hams

theeurocentric — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:49:09 +0000

AbraHAM Lincoln (get it?... You get it.)

Some guy in Oregon (his name is Bijijoo) has spent the last six months making paintings of each of the 44 American presidents holding hams. You read that correctly. View his 43 other works at The Presidential Ham.

[via]

If Movie Titles Were Honest

theeurocentric — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 15:31:57 +0000

View the rest at Cracked

Iron Woman

NomNomPlatypus — Mon, 24 May 2010 13:31:08 +0000

So apparently Marvel is thinking of slowing down the pace of their movies a bit, starting with this household thriller!

5 Untrue Things About Lady GaGa

Doctorate Upholder — Fri, 14 May 2010 13:48:17 +0000

So hopefully every day, but probably not, I will be writing a column called “5 Untrue Things About (insert celebrity/place/thing/non-famous person).” The column will pretty much be exactly what it sounds like, a list of 5 things that are false about a particular thing/place/person. Fun! (Hopefully!)

Here are 5 untrue things about Lady GaGa…

1. Lady GaGa was born a wolf. Her parents were humans and her mother had never even seen a wolf in person before in her life, but sometimes that is just how it works. Science!

Lady GaGa's brother. They didn't have the money to "humanize" him.

2. “Bad Romance” was probably written about you. That is if you are VAIN!!!

Carly Simon is under the impression that you are vain

3. Originally Lady GaGa was going to call herself “Epson Printers Corp.” but unfortunately that name was already copyrighted.

Cool print job

4. Tomatoes are Lady GaGa’s favorite kind of fruit. Yeah she’s one of those people.

Tomato fruit

5. The indie-film, Avatar, was written about her life.

Indie-film of the year

Submit nominations for people/things/places I should write untrue things about @AestheticOcto. I will write untrue things about pretty much anything!

5 Untrue Things About Justin Bieber

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 13 May 2010 16:08:26 +0000

So here we go! 5 untrue things about the Bieber…

1. Bieber was in a brief romantic relationship with a young bunny named “Fluffy.” They broke up because logistics got very “hare-y”!!!!!

Maybe this bunny should have won the Cute Olympics...

2. Bieber’s parents were diagnosed infertile before having him. It is believed that Bieber’s birth was an immaculate conception.

Something like this

3. Bieber was once on track to become an accountant for a major law firm, but then had to give up that dream after breaking his ankle in a brutal game of “H-O-R-S-E.” Many outside of the industry fail to see the connection between broken ankles and accounting, but trust me the connection is very real and very serious.

Accountants!

4. Bieber is 5,435 years old. He single handedly built the Great Pyramids and started WWI.

All because of the Bieb

5. Bieber is the worst.

Most untrue thing in this list

So that is how that is going to go down.

Submit nominations for people/things/places I should write untrue things about @AestheticOcto. I will write untrue things about pretty much anything!

Traditionally Unenjoyable Activities I Would Rather Do Instead Of Watching The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

Doctorate Upholder — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:53:46 +0000

The list could really go on forever.

1. Read Heart of Darkness Backwards

If you thought reading it forwards took forever…

2. Mow The Lawn

Although mowing the lawn didn’t seem this cute last time I checked.

3. Do My Taxes

She doesn’t seem asleep.

4. Make Copies

Extra points for having to power the machine with a crank.

5. Paint A Fence

He looks like he’s having fun!

6. Shepherd Sheep

This may be a bad example. This actually looks really awesome…

7. Download Files On Internet Explorer

Maybe by the time they’ve finished downloading, Jay Leno will have lost his job!

Olympics Venn Diagram

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:00:45 +0000

Closing Tentacles:

Have you been watching the Olympics?
Are the Olympics still relevant?
How many Google Tweetz have you made about the Olympics?
Are the Olympics just a fad?
Are the Olympics the new Neon Indian?

George Lopez/NAACP Failurement

Doctorate Upholder — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:38:34 +0000

This is a screen grab from George Lopez’s “Lopez Tonight” website, where you can go for games such as George Lopez Solitaire, polls such as the aforementioned “Who’s Blacker?,” or for hilarious jokes because George Lopez is the NUMBER ONE upcoming comedian in the Americas right now. Click through for bigger picture.

Closing Tentacles:

Why do we not “get” George Lopez when he is clearly very popular? Are we unintelligent when it comes to interpreting jokes?

The audience seems to be having a lot of fun. When was the last time you had fun? When was the last time you had ice cream while watching the sun set? When was the last time you were depressed about X comedian getting X time slot on X channel while there are so many other comedians that are more deserving?

Is George Lopez the one true comedian? Should he be thrown into the fires of Mordor? Can we handle the power of George Lopez?

John Travolta’a “Every Little Step” Is The Best Music Video of 2k10

Doctorate Upholder — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 18:45:40 +0000

We can finish our 2k10 lists early. Best music video/song of the year for sure.

To be honest, I don’t believe I can trust anyone who doesn’t like this. So if we’re ever in a trust building class together (because we needed SOMETHING to do with our Saturdays) and the professor is like, “I want you to fall into your partner’s arms, but there’s a catch. You gonna’ be doin’ that fallin’ thing BACKWARDS!” and then you whispered in my ear, “I did not enjoy laughing at that music video by John Travolta with his daughter and the Old Dogs clips,” I would totally be like, “Well I am not doing this.” That is what I would be like. Also, I would think to myself, “why is our teacher talking like that?”

But is it better than Bangs? I don’t know…too close to call!

Tommy Wiseau Hand Puppet Clarifies The Room

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:54:18 +0000

This is simply the best thing of the day. The Room is amazing, Tommy Wiseau is amazing, and this hand puppet impersonating Tommy Wiseau while answering emails is amazing as well. Much better than our attempt at Room fandom.

So I have seen The Room at least fifteen times…just so you know, two readers. Perhaps this video does not make sense to those who are not superfans. Perhaps you should get off the internet and go see this movie immediately. Perhaps you are no longer invited to this website if you don’t become a superfan soon. Perhaps!

This Video Starring Rob Thomas Will Destroy Your Brain

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:07:32 +0000

What is this? At first you make the mental check that Rob Thomas is being self aware (well actually at first you are like, ugh, for that awful opening but whatever) and therefore all that follows shall be forgiven, no matter how unfunny/unmusical (you never know with Rob Thomas!). But then this keeps going on and on, and little by little you start to ask yourself, how self aware is old Rob Thomas really being? And then you’re all like, wait a second, he’s just actually awful! (At comedy and making videos of course. Awful at culture does not equal awful human being!).

Anyways, this video confused me greatly and my brain does feel fairly broken right now. So I will end this there. Hope you fared better than I did after that!

Always Trust The Transitive Property

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:03:16 +0000

Yes. True.

Mad Men Craving: We’re Sorry

Doctorate Upholder — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:48:54 +0000

Mad Men marathon calls. Blog suffers. Sorry!

Here’s Bat Man to make up for things…

Daily Conception Video: Gabe and Max's 100 Seconds #1

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:58:15 +0000

Gabe Delahaye and Max Silvestri are the best! Gabe writes Videogum (which is the best site! YEAH!) and Max does comedy and what not. So good job!

Also, this is really old, but here’s the duo teaching us how to use the internet…

Compilation Craving: All of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt Spin-Offs That I Am Aware Of

Doctorate Upholder — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:54:38 +0000

The Original Three Wolf Moon.

Three Wolf Blitzer Moon.

Three Keyboard Cat Moon.

Three Dolph Moon.

Three Tom Wolfe Moon.

Three Virginia Woolf Moon.

Three Teen Wolf Moon.

Three Wolfenstein Moon.

Three Airwolf Moon.

Three Steppenwolf Moon.

Three Focke-Wulf Moon.

Three PedoBear Moon.

Three Hippopoticorn Moon.

Three Rowlf Moon.

Let me know about any spin-offs that you have seen but are not included in this list.

Daily Conception Video: "We Are Douchebags"

Doctorate Upholder — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:43:20 +0000

Well everyone needs a voice.

Via.

Michael Ian Black Craving: Michael Ian Black, Who is the Best, is Depressed

Doctorate Upholder — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:04:39 +0000

Oh no! Michael Ian Black, who is the best and my personal favorite, wrote a post on his blog a couple days ago about how he has been going through a bout of depression and how he feels unworthy as a performer.

Notable Quotes:

Rather than explore the causes of my problems, I’m much more interested in suffocating them under a blanket of complex chemicals.

So it’s a kind of a no-win situation for them. If they don’t encourage me, I think it’s because they think I’m a failure. If they do encourage me I think it’s because they think I’m a failure.

In the last few years I’ve felt less and less like an artist and more and more like a hustler. Now, I like hustlers. I admire their wide-brimmed hats and coats with large lapels, but I don’t know that I want to actually be one.

Fortunately, when you’ve only ever been a C-Lister, you don’t feel like you’re missing that much when you’re treated like a D-Lister.

So thank God for small favors.Anyway, the point is that it’s hard out here for a pimp. And it’s even harder when the ass you’re pimping is your own.

This is terrible. First Sufjan, and now Michael Ian Black! All of the best people in the world are going through depression. If they can’t be happy, what hope do all of us lesser-folks have? I’m just kidding, we have a lot of hope, but this is very very unfortunate.

Via.