How To Successfully Fake Being an Entry-Level Hipster

We were starting to get pretty sick and tired of all the “how-to’s” on how to overcome the “awfulness” of simply being an entry-level hipster, so we figured we might as well embrace that coolness-caste rather than cast it aside into the fire and brimstone of hipster hell. So here is the first installment of a helpful guide if you simply want to be “kind of cool.”

1. Be under the impression that MGMT released the best album of 2k8.

Although high-level hipsters will always say that they hate MGMT, in reality their feelings are rather mixed. MGMT would actually be considered “pretty cool” if they weren’t being played at every fraternity’s beer pong championship. Since a hipster would never want to be associated with “that” culture, MGMT has to be considered terrible by the “high-ups”. MGMT is free-game for the entries though, and is actually encouraged! A strong devotion to the belief that Oracular Spectacular was the greatest album of 2k8 (right above Tha Carter III and Vampire Weekend) will gain much acceptance amongst your entry-level peers. For bonus entry-level points, state that “Kids” is your favorite song and that it really “revolutionized” the music world.

2. Wear a scarf in early fall/late spring when it is not that necessary.

Hipsters don’t even know what to think about scarves at the moment. On one hand, they love them. A lot. But on the other hand, people such as Nick Jonas…

Cool, Nick!

…are wearing them. Even a pre-entry-level hipster knows that what Nick Jonas wears=unacceptable to ever even look at again. Basic math. Anyways, it seems that the hipster management has decided that scarves are still alright in only two situations…1) Absolutely necessary such as braving the cold of winter in London/Brooklyn or 2) Absolutely unnecessary such as hundred degree summers anywhere (and be wary of two, this can only be pulled off once without fellow hipsters hating the person for trying too hard). As for entry-level hipsters, try to wear scarves every day! For an extra boost in coolishness make sure to wear the scarf indoors whenever possible. If anyone asks why you are wearing that scarf to bed every night, just give a sheepish grin and ask them how their Nickelback album is working out for them. That’ll show them!

3. Buy t-shirts from Threadless.

ironic-ish?

Threadless is a website which sells t-shirts with user-submitted designs that usually attempt to be funny. At first the site was embraced wholeheartedly as humor on the t-shirt seemed like a great way to prove that the body wrapped in the threads of the Threadless tee was a pretty funny body with a pretty funny mind as well. But then disaster struck, as department stores such as J.C. Penny’s and Target got in the “game” of “humor apparel” so everything pretty much collapsed. Entry-level hipsters will still pursue these funny-ish shirts, however, so wearing a t-shirt that says “I heart pi” with a picture of an apple pie underneath will still gain you tons of accolades. Make sure to always mention whenever Threadless is having a sale, as this is highly valued information to other entries!

4. Mention a video you just “discovered” on the internet that is pretty cool but a month old.

You're never going to believe what I just found!

The internet is a very special place for high-level hipsters…it is basically their home. On the interwebz (High-level and entry-level hipsters still agree that you should NEVER call the internet by its real name if you want to sound cool), hipsters find their music, their opinions, and their cat videos. Among other things! Because the intranet is their home, hipsters are extremely protective of its knowledge. This requires high-level hipsters to constantly be battling each other for the greatest/most vast/most up-to-date knowledge of the happenings that are covered on such sites such as Stereogum/Videogum, Buzzfeed, and The Daily What. Because of this escalating knowledge war, hipsters are basically required to be on the inter-tubes at least three to five hours a day. But you don’t need to do that! What you are going to want to do is wait until you find something you “especially like” on your StumbleUpon account and mention it relentlessly in your Facebook News Feed/daily conversation. Always make sure to point out that you “discovered” the said link. Insider’s Tip!: Right now would be an ideal time to start talking about Keyboard Cat, Bangs, and RAAAAAAAANDY!